changes

Breaking News: God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself.

A reporter back on the nightside shift (from an extended trip to another shift) told me yesterday that I seemed "calmer".  I find this amazing, because I hadn't even realized how I'd changed in the last year or so.

I've been sober now close to three years.  And while I pray every day that God take my will and guide me down a path to help others, I never really thought about until recently how that's become a reality.  The too-big-brain thing has really helped with that, I think.  I've been on auto-pilot for the last few weeks...letting God take the wheel rather than riding co-pilot.  It's working for me.

As to the calm comment...I guess I'm not that amazed.  I'm becoming the person I want to be (I've become that person?).  Part of the promises is that I will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle me...and while I'm still baffled a lot of the time, it doesn't bother me.

That's what "giving it to God" is all about, I guess:  pray for the best, suit up, show up, and let go of the outcome.  The outcome is what always throws me for a loop...but I've let go of so much that this calmness I now seem to exude is what letting go looks like.  So, whether I get the job in Louisville...have hoops to jump through at work...get brain surgery...I'm good if I do, good if I don't.

Weird.